i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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