is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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