he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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