Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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