I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
