Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
