he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
