if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
