worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
