I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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