Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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