4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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