i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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