tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
