you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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