I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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