I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
