he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are we still banned from the library?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
