so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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