Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
