i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
