Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
