As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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