i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
