Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't think brook has ever known best
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
