Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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