kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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