I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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