Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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