...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
