I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
