You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
