...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
