Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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