Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
