If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
