respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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