I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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