Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
