Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
