I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
