I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
