I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish you could order shots online.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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