i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
