i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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