this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
