bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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