You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
