Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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