If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
