Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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