just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
