you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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