quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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