Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
